LivingWithThePain's Blog

{July 7, 2010}   Yet Another Disappointment

So, I am trying to better myself at work.  Sure, everyone says “you’ll be great” or “you’ll do fine” and then everything is not great or fine.  So I tried for a higher position, that is my ultimate goal at work and was denied.

Not a typical denial, but one full of bullshit.  Seriously, I thought it was up to the interviewer to find out the details that they are looking for?  I thought it was the interviewer that was supposed to help lead you to the information that they wanted or even do some homework on what you have done for the company in the past.

This did not happen.  I was given some really bad advise and it made everything fall apart.  A few people told me to focus on the now and what you are doing now, stay with the current company and the experiences that you have had over the last few months.  Well, that didn’t turn out so good, as then it looks to the recruiter that this is ALL the experience that you have. 

The point of the story is, if something worked for you the first time, then do it again.  Wait until you get past the HR rep to start talking about what you have done only at this company.  Otherwise your experiences will not look like much.

So to my friends who know me,  I didn’t get passed on the second round!  Believe it or not, I’m not mad.  It’s disappointing, but I am happy where I am and know that it is my fault and interviewing skills that were lacking in this situation, not me and my experiences.



{May 6, 2010}   Oh The Pain!

Today is ungodly bad.  I am actually thinking of calling in and using my FMLA I hurt so bad.

If you have read OMG!! What a Day, this is the same day.  I am seriously tired and I hurt all over.  I hurt so bad, I looked at Chris and told him I think my back is broken.  I have my snoogle behind me and it still is not giving enough support.   I am trying to be strong and make it through my day. 

I was recently given some additional tasks to complete for this week and I do not want to miss it.  It is very important that I go in, as I am the one that was instructed to do the task  and not to share.  So I need to go into work and push through this bad day.  I have Monday off, so I will be able to have a day to myself ro recover from this crazy week and weekend. 

Wish me Luck!!

{April 21, 2010}   Some unkind weeks

Since I started this new position at work, I have not had 2 days off in a row to recharge the battery.  I have not been sleeping well, despite the muscle relaxers and I have been in absolute agony! 

My new position causes a lot of stress because there is so much to do and not a lot of time to get it done.  It’s a juggling act and in some cases a need for assistance as my time is very limited when my reps are actually working.  So, I have been bending over backwards to keep up and make sure that I am doing everything I can for my reps. 

There have been days that I have been dragging so much ass, I know that my Supervisor would have sent me home by now.  The Supervisor that I am currently working with knows what I am going through but also knows that if I came in then I am ok to work.

I came in one day in so much pain I felt like I was hit by a train!  I had a lidocaine patch on my back and it still did nothing to cut any of the pain off at all.  I had to go speak to my Supervisor and she asked if I was alright.  She then told me that she understood what I was trying to do but if I needed to take a day, then I needed the day!  I feel like such a failure for taking the day, so I rarely ever do.  My thought is if I can get up out of bed, then I can go into work and that is what I do.

One day my neck was hurting so bad, I had a patch on it and that did no good.  When you take all your medicine as you are advised to and add something to take some of the edge off and get no relief, it can be very depressing.  The depression is worse on the days that I know I need help and I ask for help but receive none.  That is mostly activities that deal with work and not home.

I have to give Chris his kudos as I know it is a huge pain to deal with me.  As soon as I walk into the door I fall apart.  I have been working so hard throughout the day to keep my pain from others that by the time I get home I have only made it worse and he has to deal with it.  I know that he understands that I do not like to show weakness and so he knows why when I get home it all comes out.  Most times I can’t even get up to go to the restroom without help.  If I pass out on the couch, he’ll leave me there so I can get some solid sleep for as long as possible. 

If I take the car, he worries as he knows that driving and sitting up in the car hurts like a mother.  I have gotten so bad in the car that I have to keep a pillow in the car to soften the back rest.  I am losing my grip in my right hand.  I will drop my soda bottles, glass, purse or even something as light as a piece of paper as it spasms and drops what is in it.  Most times I have to use both hands to hold a glass or bottle to drink out of.  I am currently unable to use chopsticks as my hands shake too much and I can’t keep it pinched to hold the food.

Everyday is a new struggle to get past the pain.  It seems like my medicine is no longer helping and that I am wasting my time.  I am not disappointed mind you as it’s 200 buck every 3 months for the current regimen I am on.  I need to become more active and at least start walking again so I can keep myself loose and limber.  A nice deep tissue massage would be wonderful as well.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day!


{March 24, 2010}   Another Flare-Up

So when I started my new position, I was up front with the other members that they could not touch me.  These past few weeks have been very rough for me and my pain.  I have completely flipped my hours so my sleep has been interrupted and my meals are lacking to say the least.  Chris is trying to help me keep track of food but I am so busy that I rarely have time for a break let alone lunch.

So my body is  a wreck to say the least.  One of the members patted my back the other day and it was the one I am not too fond of.  I almost decked this person, but I refrained.  I need to send out another e-mail I guess to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

So it’s my day off and I did absolutely NOTHING!!!!!  I loved it.  I watch 21 JumpStreet and one of the Harry Potter movies.  My neck has been bothering me a lot lately.  Today it has hurt so bad that I have a migraine and I have tried about everything.  I love Chris but if he doesn’t learn to speal quietly I going to have to kill him! 

So I have this patch on my neck to try to take some of the feeling out but I don’t think that it is working.  I have tried changing my position, moving about, heat, exercise and this patch and nothing has worked.  I have to work into the morning hours tomorrow so hopefully this goes away.

I miss my previous co-workers.  I keep missing them when I come in early.  If you guys read this, drop me a few lines about how you are doing!  I may have a different position but I still love you guys.  I hope to see you all again soon.

{March 24, 2010}   Work

So I started a new position at work.  All of us seem to get a long just fine but there are some issues.  Most of us are able to joke around and have a good time but there is one that throws everything all out of whack.  So I made a comment the other day and it was playing off of this person and then he tells me that he understands that it was a joke but he didn’t find it funny.  So around him “mum” is the word.  I will no longer try to treat him like the rest of the group.  I know that it will not be taken the way that it is meant, so why waste my time. So there is my thought on that.

{March 19, 2010}   Pain at Work

It is hard to work and be in pain.  I have been approved for FMLA at work but I am afraid to use it.  I know that they can not fire me or anything but I don’t want them to take away my loan position, so I work with pain.

It hasn’t been much time for me to think about it lately as I have been running around work.  A few people have asked me if walking around was all I am suppose to do now.  I have to move around a lot to get to meetings or to talk with another department.  What’s funny is that within my loan I have been loaned out twice this week.  I am not working directly with the class we have right now, but the exposure with them would have been great for me.

You would think that with being able to move around that I would not have pain, but I do.  When I finally get to where I am going, I have to sit and listen to that person.  It’s hard to stand when people are giving presentations and have them feel comfortable.  Also, when working with the reps, standing puts some on edge.  I try to explain prior to doing so but they still get nervous so I must sit through the pain.  Also, I cannot bring my heating pad with me wherever I go, so I have no relief with it throughout the day.

I seem to be having more and more spasms that are taking me by surprise.  I am having a hard time at work with this.  I know that I am entitled to an additional break but I rarely find the time to take my normal breaks let alone my extra one.

I ran in to Rebecca the other day, it was great to see someone from my old team.  I miss them all.  I am working a completely different shift so I never see them anymore.  I hope you guys know that I am not thinking I am better, just not there!

I need to start taking better care of myself, nobody else will do it for me.  I am trying to get somewhere at work and become somebody and with this I can achieve that.  So I work through the spasms and the pain with a grin.  My teammates know that I have an issue and are begining to see the signs and know what is happening.  I hate being like a book that can be read.  They know I do not want to talk about it but they seem to “baby” me and help me more on those days.

“The pain never goes away completely” is what I told Rebecca.  Some days are definitely better than others but there is always a dull pain that is managable everyday.  When the spasms come I have to get up and then there is much more pain but I manage.  I am starting to manage it better again but I am taking my medicines like I am suppose too.

No worries everyone, I am doing what I am told to do to take care of myself.  I hope to see you guys again soon.

{March 14, 2010}   My New Position

So, I got the position that I had applied for and I am very excited!!

I started on Monday and I am loving it.  I am currently working with 5 other individuals and we seem to get along great.  I will be handling a class of 19 or more people on my own.  I can’t wait to meet them all and see what I can do to help them in any way.

There are 2 classes coming out that we are suppose to split between the 6 of us.  Four of them will be working on the first class and 2 of us will be working on the second class.  They told us that one of the 4 will help us as needed so we do not fall behind.  Basically anytime one of us asks, there are 5 other people there to help out.

I think that we all understand what is being asked of us and that is a good thing.  The first 2 classes will be a little hectic I think, only because we have not done this yet and we are all learning together.  Once we get that first class under us I know we will be fine. 

I have a problem leaving with my work not finished, so my challenge will be handling that and learning how to share.  I like to handle the stuff that is given to me all by myself.  This way I know what I can and can’t do.  Plus, if my class does well that I know that I did that and nobody else.  I like to be in control of everything and I know that I will have to share, so I’ll keep you updated on that as the time goes by.

{March 14, 2010}   Something New

So, I was talking to someone at work and they told me that they had once owned a gym.  We were talking about  my condition as he is now on my team and we depend on each other to finish the tasks that are to handed us. 

Anyway, he was telling me how he had an Infrared Sauna and that it is a known treatment for Fibro.  I will be honest, I have not done the research on this yet, but I will dig into it tomorrow.  If anyone has heard anything like this, please feel free to share as well.

{March 4, 2010}   Could not Do It Again

So, I am sad to say that today the illness has ruled me.  When I got up this morning, I was in tears.  I gave it my best shot to get up and get dressed.  Even the hot shower did not do anything to aid in my relief, so I called in.

I really hate not being at work.  I hate letting this thing beat me!  I was doing so good all week.  All I wanted to do this week is stay in bed and just feel like a person.  I had 1 day this week were I didn’t feel like the living dead and that was Tuesday.  The fates were looking out for me that day as far as pain goes.

So there may be many posts for the day, as I have nothing else to do but sit in bed watching TV or playing on my laptop.

{March 4, 2010}   People at Work

So as I told you, I am going for another position at work.  I think that everything has gone well and that I have a good chance at getting the spot.  I got some feedback and can control what the negative feedback targeted.

My boyfriend has introduced me to a lot of people that work at there.  They give me advantages and special privileges when they can.  When we have new hires I try to tell them the truth but also make it to where every call and every day is different.  You just have to brush it off and go on to the next. 

The people that I talk to out in the smoking area listen to the things I say.  They share information that they have learned and vice versa.  It’s a nice little thing we have going out there.  Unfortunately, you have to be aware of the people around you and how you word things.  Depending on how you make a statement or participate in the conversation can look bad upon you and how it appears you feel about your company and job. 

I don’t feel that this is the case.  I understand that if you are wanting to make a career out of the company you are currently employeed at, then you must not think too many negative thoughts.  However, when I am on break or lunch, I don’t think that I should be penalized because the people around me or I have said something that does not have a positive spin on it. 

I will work harder at making sure that I try to this, as it is the only way I will progress to another position and climb the ladder.  I still have my fingers crossed that I will make it this time.  My boyfriend said he thought that I was a shoe in, but now I am not so sure.

et cetera