LivingWithThePain's Blog

{February 24, 2010}   The Flare-up

The pain is very bad today.  I just want to scream.  Part of me is in a fetal position, laying on the ground kicking, screaming and crying like a child throwing a tantrum.  I’m literally pushing myself to the limit today.  Trying to be strong for the one’s who love me.  No amount of medicine that I have taken today has worked.

Never show weakness in public.  That’s what I hear in my head.  You’re just a girl who is weak if you cry at work.  Don’t show the workd what a baby you are.  NEVER!

Only the one’s who KNOW me, can see my agony.  I always wonder if they feel sorry for me and think to themselves, “Oh that poor girl” or “she has to be faking it, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with her.”

Most times you have to show the world a different face.  Usually the more I am a goof-ball the more pain I’m in.  Anything to keep the pain to myself.

Today I was just standing there talking to a friend when the breath just went right out from my lungs.  A super sharp stabbing pain that made me want to double over and die.  He saw it, he always does but he doesn’t judge me.  I think he pity’s me, but doesn’t say it.    It’s amazing how you can be standing and laughing and have an all around good moment to have it go BAM and smack you right back down to where you can’t move.

That was my day today, we’ll see how tomorrow goes.  I hope my medicine comes in, don’t want to see how I feel without it now.


Rebecca says:

The people that are you true friends, never judge you. I see an extremely strong young lady fighting a horrible battle with pain. Someone who shows such a strong side. I have never pittied you, I only have admiration for you. You are a hell of a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.

Love you Lots Lady,
Rebecca xoxo

This site will help so many living with your invisible pain.

Thank you Rebecca. I know that you understand the most. It’s wonderful finally having someone to talk to about all this. I think you are a brave and strong person too. I hope that I pull it off as well as you do.

You blow me out the water chickie. Your BFF.

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