LivingWithThePain's Blog

{February 23, 2010}   Young and in Pain

Chronic pain, What is it?  How do you get it?

Just lucky I guess.  I have been told that I am one of the youngest people to have been diagnoised at a young age for a chronic pain condition.  They don’t know why or how I got it, it just is.  Yea me!

How to describe to others what Fibromyalgia is like is almost impossible.  I was first diagnoised when I was 20 years old.  I never really knew what it was until recently.  For years I was able to control it with a mind over matter type attitude.  Recently, I guess I minded because it has been knocking me on my behind now.

I have pain everyday and will continue to for the rest of my life.  There are days were the sun is shining and the birds are chirping and the pain is managable.  Most days, there is such pain that I don’t want to move at all.  The worst thing is that the good days can turn bad with one breath of air. 

Flare ups or break through pain can sneak up out of no where a literally take your breath away.  You feel as though someone has come up behind you with a two by four and smacked you right between your eyes.  It hurts so bad that even your hair hurts.  People laugh at this comment, because it is funny, but if you only knew what it meant to have your hair hurt, it wouldn’t be so funny anymore. 

My boyfriend is very supportive even though he doesn’t really understand what is really going on.  He takes me to my appointments and wonders why I need all this medication, which I hate.  He tries to take care of me the best that he can, but even like the doctors, he can only do so much to ease my agony.

I can no longer run in the yard with my kids without feeling the pain from it within an hour.  I can not sit, stand, walk, or lay down, basically do anything for long periods of time without being in pain.  I’m like an old decepit woman with a young woman’s shell. 

Sometimes, I feel like giving up, stop working and just waste away, thinking that there has to be something better than this.  But I know that I need to be here for my kids.  Show them that you can still live even though you have pain all the time. 

Never give up!  That’s what my Grandmother always said.  Live one day at a time and you can make it through it.  She worked until the day she died, knowing that she had too in order to manage the pain.  That will be me. 

The worst day of my life was when my grandmother’s doctor became my doctor and she knew that my life would be like hers.  She hoped everyday that they would find something that would ease my pain, so I did not end up like her. But alas, they really don’t know too much more about this illness then they did 7 years ago.

I only hope I can be half the woman my grandmother was, so I keep my head up and fight the fight.


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