LivingWithThePain's Blog

{February 28, 2010}   The Day After

So yesterday I took my oldest child skating.  I knew that I would pay for it today, I just didn’t know how much.

I am so thankful that I decided to pass on letting her stay with me last night because I would not have been able to do anything with her at all.  I got up this morning aroung noon and did not get dressed and ready to do something until 3.  My dad called me and I told him I would be over.

I think that my dad hates it when I am in pain because all he sees in me is his mother.  He doesn’t totally understand this pain but he knows enough to know it really sucks and it’s a lifetime sentence.  I make the jokes about never getting old but I feel as though I have surpassed him om so many levels and he knows it.

So today I hurt so bad that my borfriend has said that he will do the laundry for me, as I can barely walk.  The weight of my clothing hurts so bad that I want to scream.  I am so exhausted from the front that I show everyone that by the end of the day, I am so sore and tired that I just want to be left alone to sleep. 

So this flare up is as bad as you can get.  When I take a deep breath or yawn, I get a sharp pain in my back that takes that breath right out of me.  The heating pad is not working to help alleviate any of my pains.  I would try ice, but I really hate the cold and it never helps anyway so why do something that I can’t stand.

I can not explain the rate of pain that I feel but only tell you that there are times that even my hair hurts.  People laugh and think it’s a joke, but really my hair hurts sometimes.  I have to work tomorrow so I will try to go to bed early to see if I can sleep some of this pain away.  I am turning on the heat so I do not have to shiver and cause my pain to myself.


{February 27, 2010}   The Things We Do….

The things we do for our loved ones.  My oldest daughter Lexy who is 6 had her very first skate party today.  She was terrified to get out there and to be honest so was I. 

We helped her get the basics of skating and then she and I went out on the floor.  As we were going around, I had to catch her so many times that I stopped counting.  Of course I am not paying the price.  My boyfriend asked if I wanted to keep her over night, which I always want her with me, but tonight I knew that I could not do it.

I had to take her back to her dad’s house.  To which I walked in to a crying child.  The youngest, Bri, was crying that she thought that I was going to pick her up today.  I was upset that I had disappointed her, but glad I only had one child to take around the skating rink.

Their father was suppose to meet me and Lexy at the rink with Bri, so the  4 of us could do this together for the first time.  Having both of us there gave us each someone to help incase it got crazy.  He called and said that he had a bad stomach and that he and Bri were going to go on home.  So I took Lexy, since it was her party.

When I first arrived at the school to get her, she gave me a huge hug.  Then on the way to the car, she asks if we were going skating.  I of course asked how she was feeling because the Ex said he might have given them bad food that day.  Nothing was going to keep her from this party though.

So we go and encounter all the tears.  She was so scared of falling that she did not want to get out onthe floor.  So for those of you who know me, I told her straight to her face, “You Will Fall Many Times!!”  I am always honest with my kids.  Once she fell and got it out of her system she was good.  We went round and round that rink.

Now she can’t wait to go back.  My boyfriend and I may take her and her sister to a night skate but I am cautious as all the older kids are going to be there too. 

I am glad that she had a good time.  I will have to take her sister next time and see how the “Dare Devil” likes it.

Now of course I feel like I have been hit by a bus.  I will pay for it for the next few days but it is definitely well worth it since she had a really good time.  I am just glad that I am off tomorrow to re-coop.

{February 25, 2010}   Weather and Pain

So the weather is definitely taking it’s toll on me this week.  We had a couple changes to the temperature which causes the barometer to go crazy. 

I was at work today and was doing e-mails which really isn’t all that difficult, but I  couldn’t do it.  I feel very bad about myself because I gave in. 

A friend and I were talking about the girls that were hit by a train and killed and how we felt bad for their family.  I told her that I feel like I have been hit by a train almost daily.  It really sucks. 

I hope that I start to feel better very soon.  To those of you out there who may know what I feel, I hope you feel better soon too.

I know that anu help that I need tonight will be received because although my Lovey does not know my pain, he can understand and see what I am going through and will do anything and everything to help ease my pain.

Always & Forever


{February 25, 2010}   Oh, the pain today

The pain today is worse than the pain I went to bed with last night?  I don’t even think that when I finally closed my eyes last night, that I gave it 2 thoughts as to how I would feel in the morning. 

I have awoken early so I start early.  I realize this is my body telling me that it’s going to take you longer to get ready this morning.  So I begin. 

I hobble on in to the kitchen because I forgot to set my coffee.  I find my clothes and shower.  Showers usually take the normal person 5 maybe 10 minutes right?  On a morning like this, I’m lucky if I’m done in 20 minutes.  After I’m done here I realize, it’s a little chilly outside and you just washed your hair.  Guess I have to blow dry it.  That’s fine maybe I can straighten it, make it look like a good day.  No, half way through I start hearing the windchimes outside.  They have been blowing all morning but never registered in my mind that it was windy outside.  BAD HAIR DAY!!!

Then we wake the boyfriend, or attempt to anyway.  This is usually a 30 minute battle that I eventually win.  But it is still so damn annoying playing Alarm Clock. 

So today starts in agony, maybe I won’t be on the phones today.  If so, I may just have to leave early.  But, I’m making the effort to motivate myself and go in to begin with.  Usually once I’m there, I figure you’ve come this far, might as well stay for the day!

Happy Day to All!

{February 25, 2010}   Lovey

My Lovey! He is wonderful to me. Most of the time he understands me. He tries to take care of me to the best of his ability.  He basically waits on me hand and foot.  Gets me what ever I want.  Every now and then he gets me a little something that says I love you.  No matter the number of times I tell him to stop buying me stuff, he is still forever bringng stuff back.

I will do anything for him and he for me.  The most wonderful this is that he and my kids get along wonderfully.  My girls love to come over and see him.  They play games, watch movies and read stories together.  He loves every minute of it, even when we have to make them eat their food.

If I were here today without him, I do not thing that I would be able to do half the things that I do.  I don’t think I tell him enough about how great I think he is for me.  I know he just does things because that’s what he thinks is best and usually it is.  I would not trade him for anything in the world.

I Love You Lovey,

Your Baby =)

{February 25, 2010}   Fibromyalgia

For those of you out there that have Fibro, here are a few things that I have learned from my doctor.

Stay away from red meat, starches, wheat and yeast.  These are all things that can and will cause flare ups that put you on your ass. 

Speaking from experience, it is a hard diet to follow, but if you can manage to deal with the sparse pickings, you can manage most of your pain.

Cold weather or changes in the barometer will also cause flare ups that you can not control.  I thought living in Florida would be the best for me so it was a good thing I already lived here.  But I have learned this year that we have weather changes that can cause so much pain that it cripples you for days on end.  You can bearly get up and use the restroom that’s how much you hurt.

I bring this up because today I really wanted to die.  I was in such pain that I wanted to leave work.  My boyfriend was giving me pep talks about how strong I am and that I can make it.  I know that this is his way to be supprtive and help me make it through the day.  But I really just wanted to be cuddled today.  “Sure baby, I understand I can see the pain all over your face, let’s go home.” That’s what I wanted to hear.  But instead, I got what I needed to hear and that is the best support that I could ask for.

I had to concede just a little and ask my Supervisor for a pass and change of assignment with tears in my eyes.  She could tell I was doing everything I could not to cry and again she had me stay when I could see she wanted me to go home.  If I feel this horrible in the morning, I may not be able to manage it 2 days in a row, but I’ll damn sure try!

Keeping looking for ways to manage the pain.  As I find things, I will post them.  If anyone out there knows something that I don’t or just wants to share something about the pain, please do.  I can use all the advise that I can.

Peace & Love to All

{February 25, 2010}   Importance

I don’t believe that anyone is more important than anyone else.  We all should be treated equally.

We all have our comments that we make, mostly about soemthing we don’t understand!  Someone will comment on the size of another or their physical attibutes, which I am also guilty of.  I would never intentionally say something that would destroy someone as a person and hurt them to the core.  I have had that done to me in the past so I know what that feels like.

Everyone needs to remember that nobody is perfect and that we all have things that we could probably improve on.  But you have to learn to love yourself before anyone can truly love you!

{February 25, 2010}   Abuse

Abuse is abuse no matter the form.  Tickling can be a form of avuse if it is continued after being asked to stop.

I didn’t realize it at the time but I was abused by my former mother-in-law.  She had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault that her son got arrested for domestic violence.  He called the police on me for defending myself and was arrested instead because he had started the whole fiasco by spitting on me!!  I’m still trying to figure out why I stayed so long after that and of course how it was my fault.  If anyone out there can explain this too me, I’m all ears.  Or in this case eyes. =)

Nothing I ever did was good enough for my former mother-in-law.  She told me that I always said things that should not have been said and that I brought all of what happened to me on myself.  I know better now of course but being young and naive I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

{February 25, 2010}   Work

So I work with people all day.  Both in person with associates and over the telephone. 

You can not image the stupid things that come out of the customer’s mouths that I talk too all day.  I could write a book about all the stupid stuff they have said and done.

The best is when they say “You People” did something to their account when in reality they did it themselves on the website.  So throughout my day I am thinking, “how are you really not going to own up and say, “yes, I did this can you help”.”  I would rather deal with that then the meanness that they spew.

But as good news, I have an interview for another position on Tuesday, let’s all cross our fingers in hopes that I make it.  I’ll keep you all informed!

{February 25, 2010}   Help!

I very rarely ask for it!  You can image my dismay when I do and I don’t receive it.  It’s one of the main reasons I don’t ask for help!

Please don’t misunderstand me.  The one’s closest to me give me the much needed help without evenhaving to ask for it.  But there ae days wehre I may ask only as a last resort to get something accomplished.

The mornings are not a good time for me and definitely not a good time to ask for much needed help, because it’s not there to be given.  So the start of my day is usually in agony and that REALLY sucks.

I’m out of my muscle relaxer medication at this time and need it more than ever.  I didn’t realize how much they really have helped my in the past until I was suddenly out of them.  To top things off, I forgot my much loved heating pad at work, which usually helps to ease some of the aches from sleep, right when I first get up.

Oh Well My Day Begins in HELL once again!

et cetera